How to: reinvent yourself

How to: reinvent yourself

As a mom, your attention and energy are constantly in demand, and with very little time to think about yourself, you can end up feeling you’ve lost your identity. Life coach Nelene Flemming offers advice on hitting the reset button, making a long overdue transformation and bringing the zest back into your life.

Your career

Your career is one of the most important achievements in your life, and ultimately it defines a part of who you are. Whether it’s something you’ve always wanted to do as a child, or a calling you found only later in life, it plays a big role in your purpose.

‘If you’re feeling worn out in your job, it’s important to do some self-reflection to identify the reason for this,’ says Nelene.

‘After identifying the cause – maybe you’re tired of doing the same work every day, or you love your job but would just like a new environment – make the moves to change this,’ says Nelene. Identifying the specific setbacks to your happiness will make it easier to eliminate those hurdles. Implement the right steps to finally get that promotion you’ve been eyeing, or take the plunge after 20 years and join a completely new company where you’ll meet different people and share new ideas and ways of thinking.


Revisit your old habits

‘Vishen Lakhiani, founder and CEO of Mindvalley University, says, “Our culture conditioning teaches us to live our life safe rather than to live our life being happy”. I fully agree with this statement,’ says Nelene. ‘We’ve fallen into the expectation of our conditioning, instead of being our unique selves. Tapping into your old hobbies, whether it’s playing a musical instrument or joining the local running club or a dance class, and actively participating in them will remind you of who you are and how to have fun again.’

You might find something as simple as a regular solo trip to the movies – something you enjoyed doing before having kids – can bring you so much joy and fuel your independence. It’s okay to be away from your family once in a while; in fact it’s important, because you’re still an individual after all. ‘The moment we remember who we are, there’s a subtle but authentic self-confidence that starts flowing from our core. We start experiencing an undeniable sense of aliveness and inner happiness.’

Revamp your look

Indulging in a makeover is one of the best ways to feel like a new you. If you’re not so sure about altering your look
completely, even a change as small as that trendy hair cut you’ve never had the nerve to try or changing your hair colour can boost your confidence and help you feel revitalised. Still not convinced? If you’re scared of change, moving out of your comfort zone in this small way can make you a little braver to face bigger challenges in other
areas of your life.

  • Be bold and leap into what you think you’re scared of. Most growth happens outside your comfort zone.
  • Stop caring about what other people think; what’s more important is what you think about yourself.


Reawaken your spiritual wellbeing

A big part of your overall wellbeing is affected by your health. When your body’s in optimum shape spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally, you’ll have more energy to plough back into improving your life. ‘How
you start your day is how you live your life.’ Nelene suggests this powerful morning ritual, which includes the five
pillars of vibrant health and vitality:

  1. Hydrate your body first thing in the morning. Water helps flush out toxins and cleanse your system, giving your body some vitality.
  2. Get moving: Regular exercise increases mental wellbeing and transforms your emotional state.
  3. Conscious breathing: Oxygen is your first source of energy. Whenever you have time, step outside for a few minutes and breathe in the fresh morning air.
  4. Nutrition: Kick-start your day with a wholesome breakfast that gives you all the right nutrients for the day. After all, you are what you eat.
  5. Meditation helps induce calmness, improves focus and reduces stress. There are great apps to help you get started, such as Head Space.

Make time for yourself

Moms are so committed to raising their kids and running the household they completely forget about themselves.
Nelene highly recommends setting aside an hour every day, or 30 minutes at the very least, for yourself. ‘This will be the time when you include some of your morning ritual activities, like a workout or meditation.’ Become aware of the
distractions around you, like social media, and eliminate these from your ritual. The less time you spend on social media, the more time you’ll have for yourself.

Stay on track

Just like weight loss, once you’ve dropped a few kilos it’s keeping them off that’s the real work. Once you’ve transformed your life, how can you maintain momentum and ensure you don’t lose your groove again? ‘All
great athletes keep practising the fundamentals of their art and have a clear vision of what they want to achieve’ says
Nelene. ‘If you adopt this attitude in your own life, it’ll be easier to remain in your new space and build even more on the changes you’ve made. It’s also important to set aside time to reflect on your journey on a weekly basis, so you can remind yourself of your achievements and how wonderful it feels!’

Bullet journal your way to success

Bullet journalling is a great method for writing down your goals for the year. Set smaller, and more specific
weekly and monthly targets, for example, and tick them off as you achieve them. ‘A bullet journal is a powerful
tool in generating focus and momentum in achieving your desired goals.’

Benefits of bullet journalling:

  • Multiplies clarity and awareness, including limitations and advantages.
  • Allows you to celebrate accomplishments.
  • Reinforces self-belief every time you reach a target.

‘You might also find it useful to create a vision board with pictures and words representing everything you know you want out of life,’ adds Nelene. ‘Visual stimulation is usually the best motivation!’


How a life coach can help

Life coaching can guide you and provide you with the tools to help you get out of a rut and into a better space. A life coach works closely with you to map out a clear vision for your life, and help you navigate that journey. Through this journey, you’ll also learn techniques that will help you solve your inner conflict, and release negative thoughts and beliefs holding you back from becoming a better version of you.



About Nolwazi Dhlamini

Features Writer for Your Family magazine. She’s worked in print and digital media, and finds thrill in understanding human behaviour. Nolwazi believes everyone has a fascinating story to tell, and it just takes the right person, asking the right questions, to find it.


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